For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Loren. I’m from Clackamas Oregon, I’m nearly 25 years old, I have a long history in the theater, am a religious man and have an unhealthy number of bow ties in an ever-growing collection. I am studying Industrial-Organizational Psychology at my university.
Before we get into the meat and cheese of this grouping of ones and zeroes arranged in an order to create sound, I would like to put a matter at rest. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an impressive collection of bow ties.
How did this get started, you may ask? Well, when I was 16 years old, I was a pretty oddball high school student. In what way? Well, I was full to the brim with school spirit. It was Homecoming and we had a different theme for every day of Homecoming week. One of the days was, incidentally, ‘nerd day’. So, I proceeded to borrow an old bow tie and suspenders set from my dad that he hadn’t worn in years. And honestly, he wouldn’t be caught dead in them even though they are pretty basic and conservative in style and color. I put it on along with some ‘highwater’ trousers and a pair of glasses frames, because I punched out the lenses due to my 2020 vision.
Anyway, I was really hamming it up and as I was walking through the East Campus of Clackamas Highschool, a cute little underclassman called out to me. She said, “Hey sexy nerd!” and as I heard that, I looked over in her general direction and nearly tripped over a small basket thing there in the hallway. She and her friends all busted up laughing and a friend of mine from choir who was trailing me was laughing too, whispering “Classic” beneath his breath.
After dressing up like a complete ham, getting cat called by someone more my baby brother’s speed than my own, and getting all of my teeth nearly broken out of my skull, I decided to try wearing it with something a bit more ‘normal’ the next week. It was around this time that I was introduced to a science fiction gem from British Broadcasting. I just happened to share a bit of a likeness with an actor whose character was known for being quirky and wearing a bow tie, so I decided to try that all on for myself. Pretty soon, I sat down at my mother’s sewing machine and began to make some bow ties for myself out of scraps. And the rest is history…
Now, at the end of every December during the no-man’s land between Christmas and New Year’s, it’s always the same song and dance. It’s a time for change, for movement, and for retrospection. The main issue though about resolutions, is that it often means someone will make a commitment that they will give up on within a few weeks or even just a few days.
I asked myself why? Why do people give up on these things that could possibly change their entire life? The answer is simple, the typical resolutions are superficial declarations which don’t really hold very much emotional connection. In simple terms, the changes that people claim to want to make are not in reality what they want in their heart of hearts.
I would like to quote Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A number of years ago, he told a story,
There once was a man whose lifelong dream was to board a cruise ship and sail the Mediterranean Sea. He dreamed of walking the streets of Rome, Athens, and Istanbul. He saved every penny until he had enough for his passage. Since money was tight, he brought an extra suitcase filled with cans of beans, boxes of crackers, and bags of powdered lemonade, and that is what he lived on every day.
He would have loved to take part in the many activities offered on the ship—working out in the gym, playing miniature golf, and swimming in the pool. He envied those who went to movies, shows, and cultural presentations. And, oh, how he yearned for only a taste of the amazing food he saw on the ship—every meal appeared to be a feast! But the man wanted to spend so very little money that he didn’t participate in any of these. He was able to see the cities he had longed to visit, but for the most part of the journey, he stayed in his cabin and ate only his humble food.
On the last day of the cruise, a crew member asked him which of the farewell parties he would be attending. It was then that the man learned that not only the farewell party but almost everything on board the cruise ship—the food, the entertainment, all the activities—had been included in the price of his ticket. Too late the man realized that he had been living far beneath his privileges.
An important question to ask one’s self is “Am I living beneath my privileges?” Follow it up with “What is causing me to do so?” and “How can I fix this to take full advantage of the lot that falls to me?”
As we near the beginning of the year 2020, I have had the chance to consider a number of things that are going on in my life right now. I’m not what you would call a ‘bad’ person, but I am often lazy and do have a number of bad habits that I need to address. I have been indeed ‘living far beneath [my] privileges.’ I know what I’m capable of. I’m not saying that I’m hating on myself, because anyone who knows me knows that I love myself, but I am merely saying that I am at a place in life where I know that I can become so much more than I currently am. I just happen to be the only human soul who knows me well enough to really do anything about it. I won’t unpack much of that right now because they are my problems that I must address.
Accountability is a word that needs to be used more by not only people of my generation, but by people on either side of our era. What does this mean? Well, the Merriam Webster dictionary defines accountability as : the quality or state of being accountable, especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions. The point that I’m trying to make here is that people are so good at projecting blame for their problems on someone or something else. Everyone is always looking for a scapegoat when they are in a potentially uncomfortable situation. They blame their parents, their job, a drink they had, when most of these uncomfortable things are there because of actions that they took.
They say, ‘society made me this way’. No, you allowed yourself to be swayed in that way. Sure, worldly philosophy is often very persuasive, and many norms of our society have an unhealthy indoctrinational quality to them, but everyone has free will. The powers that be have given certain unalienable rights to all of humanity, and the paramount gift is the ability to make one’s own choices and in the words of Miss Frizzle to, ‘Take chances, make mistakes.’
Making mistakes is something that is healthy. If you never touched a hot oven top, you wouldn’t have an appreciation for the idea of something hot. So, misusing one’s free will is healthy, because it teaches what one must not do. We are free to act in nearly whatever fashion that we wish, but what we cannot choose are the consequences of those actions.
Every action has a consequence and every situation is the consequence of an action performed by someone or more than one someone. During this time of retro and introspection, I definitely plan on taking accountability for the situations which I am currently in. Sure, I’m not 100 % at fault at the way things are, but I must take credit where credit is due. My actions are mine and no one else’s.
During this time, it’s about time to grow up and realize what we are truly capable of. We aren’t ‘living within our privileges’ because we just aren’t letting ourselves. I know that a bygone baby boomer age has given us the platitude of “You can accomplish anything you put your mind to”. I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with that, I’m only saying that our best chance to accomplish something great is to cut out of our lives all of the toxic people, toxic habits, and other toxic things. Yes, we’ve heard that word thrown around a lot, I plan on focusing a bit on that later on, but suffice it to say, that we all have certain things that are holding us back and I implore you to discover what those things are and to amputate them from the body of your life. Find what they are, make a plan and follow through with that plan. If you cannot be accountable to only yourself, then ask someone else to help you, so you have someone to be accountable to.
You might be alive, but are you living?
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